


sun charms

by sunflower_8



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Established Relationship, Family Issues, Hinata Hajime and Kamukura Izuru Are Twins, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, References to Depression, Self-Hatred, i don't know what to tag this i'm really sorry, komaeda uses he/they and izuru uses they/them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:13:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28490718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflower_8/pseuds/sunflower_8
Summary: And yet, he’s on a break right now, isn’t he? Because it’s his birthday.And it’s New Year’s, more importantly.And he still feels like shit.(hinata has bad memories tied to his birthday)
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 19
Kudos: 116





	sun charms

12:00 AM.

Hinata watches the time change with a bleary expression, his eyes flickering between the clock and his phone. The latter is blowing up-- underneath the cracked case, he can see his friends messaging him. All kind texts, all sweet, thoughtful things, all shit that Hinata should be  _ appreciating- _

mioda: HAPPPPPPYYYYYY BIRTHDAYYYYYY HAJIME-CHANNN!!!! YAHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

nanami: hbd lol. happy new yr 2

kuzuryuu: happy new year’s and happy birthday, hinata

souda: Yoo! Happy bday soul bro! You’re, like, 20 now. Which is the same age I am, but, like, cool. 

-but he  _ can’t.  _

Haha. How pathetic of him is that, not being able to read the messages without his eyes stinging, tired from having stayed up for so long, mixed with the fucking  _ heaviness  _ of everything. It’s his birthday, it’s his goddamn birthday, nothing is  _ supposed  _ to feel heavy.

But it  _ does. _

He’s never had good birthdays in the past. Maybe when he was a kid, sure, when he was too innocuous to see what was going on around him, but as he got older, as he got  _ perceptive,  _ he could see the family tension. His mother would always find something to blame on his dad, and his dad usually left the celebration the second it was over. And Hinata’s twin, Izuru, would just sit there, silent and dispassionate as Hinata unwrapped his gifts. 

Izuru never got any gifts. Their parents stopped trying after they found them dismantling their toys, calling them boring. Even Hinata couldn’t find a good gift for them. 

Of course he couldn’t. Of  _ course  _ he  _ couldn’t. _

But Izuru always got Hinata these wonderful gifts, anyway. Wonderful gifts that got pretty fucking old, after his father would bitch about him still getting  _ presents,  _ lazing around and still getting  _ presents,  _ because it’s not like Hinata is  _ good  _ at anything, or  _ talented _ in any sense, he would just get these  _ gifts  _ and act like a little  _ pussy  _ and  _ at least one of our sons isn’t a t- _

Hinata squeezes his eyes shut just as another text comes in.

izuru: Happy birthday, Hajime. 

He doesn’t deserve it.

Sure, Hinata’s been trying to talk that out with his boyfriend (who hasn’t messaged him yet, who Hinata should send a text to, because maybe something happened to them again) and his friends, how Hinata kind of hates himself, _ but not in, like, a dramatic way, y’know? Just in the way where I think I don’t deserve shit, and I’m tired all the time, and it’s- no, it’s not depression, Kuzuryuu, I’m just tired-- and y’know, some things are self deprecation and some things are just factual, and I am pretty sure this is just factual, so it’s not even like it matters, y’know?  _

Hinata’s been  _ trying  _ to work on that. 

But he fails, because he always does, because he  _ knows  _ that some self hatred (like Komaeda’s self hatred) is undeserved, but some (like Hinata’s self hatred) makes perfect sense, barely even counts, and it’s not like he needs a therapist, or has anything wrong with him, he’s just tired from school and work and he needs a break. 

And yet, he’s on a break right now, isn’t he? Because it’s his  _ birthday. _

And it’s  _ New Year’s,  _ more importantly.

And he  _ still feels like shit. _

His phone buzzes, because of course it does, and he looks through blurry eyes (why is he fucking crying, why does he do this shit every year) to see that Komaeda is calling him. At least Komaeda is alive, but, fuck. Hinata can’t exactly call him back.

So he lets it ring. And he stares at the ceiling. And he gets up to pace because, fuck, he’s tired, but he’s  _ so so awake,  _ and Komaeda’s sending him a message, and  _ how does Komaeda even know he’s up?  _ And his eyes burn, and his chest is starting to hurt, he’s breathing pretty fucking quickly, not like a panic attack but like some kind of attack stemmed from panic,  _ there’s a difference, Nanami, I’m fine,  _ and his shoulders are shaking, because it’s his 20th birthday but he hasn’t gotten any less pathetic, and  _ who the fuck is that at the door-  _

… Well. There are only two other people with his apartment key, and Izuru doesn’t exactly make visits.

Hinata hears Komaeda call out a quiet,  _ Hinata-kun?  _ He spares him the pain and calls out, “I’m upstairs, Komaeda.” He pretends his voice doesn’t crack.

He listens to the steps grow closer, rubbing at his eyes and trying to hide his anxiety, but his hands are still trembling by the time Komaeda steps in. In Komaeda’s hands is a small present, and they have a nervous smile on their face. Their curly hair looks as messily endearing as ever, and their eyes sparkle in the lamplight. 

Before Komaeda can talk, Hinata asks, “Why did you come to my house at midnight?”

“Oh! Ah, it was stupid, um.” They laugh to themself, something soft and raspy. “I knew you were, ah, staying up. You always do, and, um. You weren’t replying to me, and usually you’re quick about replies unless you’re showering or not feeling well, and so I thought I should, ah. Come over? Unless you want me to leave which, haha, is understandable.”

“It’s fine.” At least Komaeda doesn’t come through the windows, anymore. Though it did come in handy that one time that--  _ Hinata wasn’t panicking, but--  _ Hinata needed him. But, they’ve worked it out by now. Hinata’s place is practically Komaeda’s, anyway. It’s just one thing to act like that and another to say it, when Komaeda’s so attached to his family manor just ten minutes away. “Happy New Year’s.”

“Ah, Happy New Year’s!” Komaeda smiles, and it makes Hinata’s expression soften a bit. “But, um, more importantly. Happy birthday!”   
  
The brief twinge of happiness disappears at those words, but Hinata still tries to muster up a believable grin. “Thanks, Komaeda.”

“I got you this!” Komaeda thrusts the wrapped gift in Hinata’s direction. “It’s, haha, not very good, um, as far as gifts go? But I thought you would like it, haha, that it could cheer you up, um, yeah.” Their voice trails off to a mumble.

He nods, sitting down on his bed as his boyfriend nervously watches him open it. The wrapping job isn’t the best, but the effort was clearly put into it, with orange wrapping paper and a white ribbon tied around it clumsily. He’s careful as he takes off the wrapping, unveiling a box of kusamochi and a smaller object with it. He sets aside the kusamochi and leans in to inspect it, and realizes it’s a charm.

“Ah, um!” Komaeda jumps in to explain, taking the silence as a poor omen. “So, it’s a charm! That you can put on, um, bracelets or necklaces-- I didn’t know if you liked those, haha, you fiddle with mine sometimes, when I wear them, but- anyway, it’s a charm. It’s a sun charm, because you remind me of the sun, but if you don’t like it I can exchange it, or you can throw it in my face, or-”

“No, I…” Hinata doesn’t look up at them, instead turning the charm over in his palms. And, stupidly enough, tears well up. It’s a more thoughtful gift than  _ anything  _ his parents got him-- Izuru always got him something that suited him, of course, but it’s different here. Komaeda got him his favorite dessert and a charm, and it’s making him tear up, because he’s a fucking  _ idiot,  _ but. “I really like it, Komaeda. Thank you.”

Komaeda beams. “Of course! I’m glad you-” They pause, falling silent before moving to sit beside Hinata. Their voice a few shades quieter, they ask, “... Are you crying?”

“No,” Hinata immediately replies, wiping away a tear. “... It’s… been a day.”

“Ah.” He hesitates, looking over at Hinata’s face before reaching his hands up to cup Hinata’s jaw, gently brushing away the tears. Komaeda’s eyes are pretty, Hinata notes, but a lot more grey, almost to symbolize his seriousness in some stupid, metaphorical way. He wants to look away, but they’re being so soft as they wipe away the rivulets, and Hinata trusts them with that. “... It’s your birthday, right? That’s upsetting you?”

“Yeah,” he admits. “It’s always shitty, y’know? And I’m tired, and…”

Komaeda nods, and Hinata falls quiet. Some things can go unexplained, for now. 

They move the kusamochi and the charm out of Hinata’s hands to put it on the bedside table, before gingerly wrapping their arms around him. Hinata allows it, holding them back, trying to stifle the inexplicable sobs he feels welling up in the back of his eyes and the top of his throat. He eventually gives up all pretense of strength when Komaeda strokes his hair, murmuring some poorly-put reassurance that still has a way of calming Hinata down. 

For a while, they stay like that. And it’s pathetic of Hinata to indulge in something like this when there’s nothing even wrong, but Komaeda just holds him anyway. He kisses his temple, where the spiky bangs cover his forehead, and squeeze him tightly while Hinata shuts his eyes and tries to surround himself in the scent of Komaeda’s jacket (citrus, with the twinge of raspberry from his shampoo, with a bit of lavender).

And slowly, the tears stop. It’s pathetic, still, that he cried in the first place. But it soon calms down, and Komaeda pulls away, quietly asking, “Are you okay?”

Hinata nods shakily. “Yeah, I think I just… need to sleep.”

They hum, moving to stand up. “I’ll leave you rest, then. Goodnight, Hinata-kun.”

“Wait, no.” Hinata reaches out to grab their wrist, tugging it and meeting their wide eyes. “Stay. Please?” 

Komaeda hesitates, but eventually lies down on the bed beside Hinata, waiting for him to lay down fully before wrapping pale arms around his waist. Hinata tugs them closer, resting his head in their hair and closing his eyes tightly, allowing them to snuggle against him and start stroking his back.

“Get some sleep, Hinata-kun,” Komaeda says softly. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Hinata mumbles. “Sorry. I don’t know why I-,”

“Shh.” They press a kiss against his chest. “It’s okay. Just go to bed.”

Hinata complies, feeling his shoulders slowly relax at Komaeda’s touch and his mind drift away from the unfortunate past memories. In the morning, he needs to message Izuru back, as well as all of his friends, and maybe he’ll talk out all the shit crossing his mind, figure out  _ why  _ he’s been so fucked up over it,

but for now, he gets some sleep, dreamless yet tranquil with the other at his side. 

**Author's Note:**

> hi. so, my energy levels dipped while finishing this to the point that i'm, like, half awake. and it's 7 pm. damn cortisol. 
> 
> so, this is Not my best work. at all. i don't even know if it has any congruency, because i looked over the first half and determined it was edited enough. so, like, this might be worth orphaning later, or something.
> 
> for now, though, i will leave it up. i hope it's cathartic, or... nice? i don't know. it's the first thing i've put up in a bit that isn't loaded, so, that's neat. january, as i never shut up about, is a rough month for me, but hopefully i'll get some things up for it.
> 
> anyway. sorry for rambling. hope you liked the fic. love you! happy new year's and happy hinata (and kamukura)'s birthday! i promise i'll write those two something better later. until next time.


End file.
